...are the ones that make the biggest difference

4.24.2006

Paschal vigil

Saturday night the wife and I went to the Paschal Vigil at St. Nick's. She actually got there a little later since she had been out of town with her mother at a woman's retreat that day, which unfortunately left her with a horrible sinus headache which caused us to leave early. When your wife is on the verge of tears because her head hurts so badly (and you know the incense only makes it worse), you just gotta leave no matter how much you want to stay or how much she protests that she's ok. So we left before the processional, which was unfortunate, and the post-vigil feast (even more unfortunate), but what I saw was enough. I craved what I saw, I wanted to be able to fully participate in that. When the catechumen came forward to be chrismated, I wished we were up there beside her. I want the fullness of the faith and I believe I saw it Saturday night. Which, of course, makes the tension between me and the wife on this issue all the more acute. We see eye-to-eye on practically all other matters - most without need for discussion, so how can we be so far apart on this?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

"How can we be so far apart on this?"
Those were my thoughts exactly- as I struggled to be opened to orthodoxy. I'm sure your wife is feeling those exact emotions also. I was in tears at my first Pascha....( not because of incense or headache...but because my psyche and senses could not absorb the 3 hour midnight service & the "crazy" early am feast. I look back now- and feel so sorrowful- over my ignorance and hard-heartedness and lack of trust in God- or my husband. I wanted so much to hold on to the familiar- and I had so many fears of hurting much-loved family members- ( all -committed Christians who I respected so much.

I've just experienced my fifth Pascha and Holy Week- the rich services continue to bless me immeasureably and I thank God for His "forebearance"- in allowing me to walk through my doubts and fears-

Please continue to be patient.
My husband's favorite quote during this time in our life was to:
"Run with Patience" ( He placed little stickers every where reminding him of this)
Please continue to pray.
Resist anger and resentment- and trust that God will perform a work in you during this difficult time.

I feel for your wife. I feel for you. May God be glorified as you journey through this difficult time.


ruth

The Scrivener said...

What else could anyone say beyond what Ruth just said? Wow.

You and your wife continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you.

Christ is risen!