As one can tell from scanning the last few posts, my posting frequency has fallen off quite a bit lately. There a variety of reasons for this but most have either to do with petty distractions that keep cropping up and the ongoing struggle the wife and I are having with Orthodoxy. Together, they have both served to leave me feeling somewhat drained lately. Work, which I normally enjoy, has taken on a new dimension of difficulty. As my prayer life has dwindled, so too has my ability to find joy in the simple acts of service I provide those under my care. So when it becomes all too apparent that opportunities for learning are growing ever scarcer, my motivation to work, to try to serve my patients fades away. I have also been working through a rather painful shoulder injury which I woke up with the day after we got back from our vacation in Arizona and a fairly chronic spate of fatique. Those will be addressed at a doctor's appointment Monday morning.
I think one of the biggest problems lately, though, has been the wife's steadfast reservations about Orthodoxy. I found some of the resources I had asked for on baptism a few weeks back and we had some good discussions on that. She says she understands the Church's perspective better but still has her doubts. The same is true of the Eucharist, the sacraments in general, icons & saints and the hierarchy. What, to me, are or have been completely resolvable issues, are for her major stumbling blocks. It has led to much heartache for both of us and she has stated repeatedly that she wishes there was some middle ground, some safe place between Orthodoxy and Protestantism. The only option would seem to be Anglicanism, but the Pontificator has surely turned me off on that option. And even if he hadn't, once you've become convinced (or at least largely convinced) of the truth claims of Orthodoxy, you don't want to go halfway. I don't want a middle ground; I want the solid ground of the Church, but right now, I don't know if that's ever going to happen.
Please pray for me, in my struggles with work and prayer, and for us, in our wrestling over Orthodoxy.
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About Me
- Nathan
- littlefights@gmail.com
AS kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies draw flame;
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells
Stones ring; like each tucked string tells, each hung bell's
Bow swung finds tongue to fling out broad its name;
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells;
Selves -- goes itself; myself it speaks and spells,
Crying What I do is me: for that I came.
I say more: the just man justices;
Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings graces;
Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is --
Christ -- for Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men's faces.
Gerard Manley Hopkins
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells
Stones ring; like each tucked string tells, each hung bell's
Bow swung finds tongue to fling out broad its name;
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells;
Selves -- goes itself; myself it speaks and spells,
Crying What I do is me: for that I came.
I say more: the just man justices;
Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings graces;
Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is --
Christ -- for Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men's faces.
Gerard Manley Hopkins
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4 comments:
I feel for you, Nathan. You have my prayers.
I'm praying as well.
I can definitely understand your situation.
I would counsel you to be patient (I'm still waiting four years later). Don't act except from unity with your wife (even if that unity is one in which she agrees for you to be chrismated while she does not).
God has given your wife to you for your salvation. Her reluctance is his means of saving you. Pray with her, love her as Christ loves the Church.
And keep talking openly with her--being sensitive to her willingness to discuss various issues.
Did I say lover her as Christ loves the Church? ;)
Nathan,
Sorry to go off topic here but I just got in from work and read your post on my blog.
I don't understand any of it. I've been gone all day. What are you talking about?
Nathan,
Praying for you now.
I have been in that same place for about four years now. Finally, things seem to be settling for hubby and I. I can move forward into Orthodoxy with his blessing and will probably be chrismated soon. He respects the faith, attends DL several times a month, but still considers himself Protestant.
We tried the middle ground: reformed episcopalian and missouri synod lutheranism, even Catholicism, but none were really acceptable. I think once you have tasted Orthodoxy, there is no going back. So our compromise is I go with him one week to a PCA, he goes with me the next. I believe in time, he will "choose wisely."
Coming from a wife's POV, though, Clifton is so right. Love her like Christ loves the Church. Make her feel safe and secure. This kind of change really rocks the other spouse's world big time. Mine had to really understand that although I chose to love and serve Christ in a completely different way, I do still love and serve Christ. That fact won't change and neither will my love for him.
May the Lord bless you and your wife, lead and guide you in His perfect will and grant you peace.
CaldoniaSun
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