Nil Sorsky on Temptation

So this weekend we went back to our house in Bloomington to pack up the remainder of our things and move them here to Fort Wayne. We got up early on Saturday and got on the road. We spent the majority of the day packing things up and moving things out into the garage so it'd be easier to load them directly onto the truck on Sunday. We had brought our TV with us when we first went out to Ft Wayne, leaving us entertainment-less at the house. So after grabbing a bite to eat at one of our favorite restaurants (a little Irish pub called "Maggie Miley's" - if you're ever in Normal, IL, eat there), we went to Borders for a little while. But we were tired after the day of moving and didn't stay too long. So we headed home and sat out on the porch talking - about the church we left, Orthodoxy, jobs, moving, the future, you name it. We've been busy of late, so it was the first time in a while we've had a chance to just talk without interruption - all I have to say is that I love my wife. It seems there are many who would dread several uninterrupted hours of conversation with their spouses - me, I enjoyed every minute of it.

Our time together was punctuated by a fireworks display over a golf course about 1/2 a block from our house. It was right about the time we were talking about some of the frustration and anger we still feel for the church, and as we watched this beautiful display, I felt like God was tapping me on the shoulder and saying "See, everything is going to be fine" - this also in response to my frustrating job search. Later that evening, I lay in bed reading an excerpt in Touchstone of the writings of a Russian saint named Nil Sorsky. One passage in particular stuck out to me - it was written in response to a young man's question about fear:

"When such thoughts occur, fight manfully so that they do not overcome you and make your heart resolute in a deep trust in God, saying the following: 'I have a God who is watching over me. Without his will, nobody can harm me in anything. Even if he allows something to happen to me which would make me suffer, I would not take that for evil, because I do not wish to make his will ineffective, because the Lord knows much more than I and wishes only my profit. So I am thankful for all because of his clemency.'"

I went to sleep thinking about this and praying about it.

And very quickly forgot all about it.

When we arrived at the U-Haul location bright and early Sunday morning, we were told our reservation had been transferred to another location. When we got to the other location, thankfully not to far away, we are told that 1) their computers are down, 2) they don't know how to do a manual contract and 3) it will take a long time to get on the phone with a company official to figure out how to remedy either one. After an (embarassingly) angry exchange, they took our number and said they'd call us back when they had something worked out. We got a call a few hours later, telling us that the first location had a truck for us. It was bigger than we had reserved, but they would give it to us at the original rate. So we get it, more than a little angry about the whole thing.

And as it turns out, the original truck would not have been anywhere near enough room to accomodate our stuff. We even had to leave some stuff behind for my in-laws to pick up when they're out that way later this week. If things had gone according to our plan, many more problems and delays would have unfolded during the course of the day. So I sit here chagrined over my childish antics, the frustration and anger that I let creep into my heart, even after seeing those fireworks and reading the words of that godly man. I can only shake my head and laugh at myself, because I truly am a fool. Maybe someday I'll finally figure out how to trust God!